"Seabay"
Messdeck Mirth - Page 3
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The Second
HMS Manchester Association
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Yeh! I got it wrong as well!!
(Knocker with the Big Phalanx - 2010)
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Computer Challenge

For all of those who think they are computer experts.

Let's see how computer literate you are.

Here is the challenge....

What would cause the following to appear on your computer screen?

123490=qweriop[ asdhjkl (zxcvnm

Give up already?

Look below for the answer...
(Frank Jarvis - 2011)
Jack about town!

I saw a dyslexic yorkshireman today..........he was wearing his cat flap

A friend of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. 

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I had a mate who was suicidal.  He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.  He was chuffed to bits.

I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.  Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Televisoin was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said...'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people i Abu Dhabi Do.'

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!! 

B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something waterproof and shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her bathroom scales.

I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. 

The birds love it!

I start a new job in Seoul next week.

I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw and RAC van parked up.  The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.  I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'

The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night.

To be fair the audience did try to warn him!
(Peter Wellman - 2011)
Good Answer!

Jack is stopped by the Police at midnight and asked where he's going.

"I'm on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body."

The policeman asks, "Really? And who's going to give a lecture at this time of night?"

"My wife", comes the reply.
(Alan Ivison - 2010)
Jack met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when Jack got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

Jack said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

Jack said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the  Mersey  !
(Gary Tregunna - 2010)
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